Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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