You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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