Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
