My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
