I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
