literally had 100 drinks last night.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
where am i from again
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
