I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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