people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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