Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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