Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
