I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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