i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
