I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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