now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
