what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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