You smell like stripper and shame
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
