Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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