if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
