Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
