why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
