my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
