he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I've blown a few things in my day
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
