so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
