he told me I talked like a deaf person
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Two words: blizzard sex
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
