I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
