1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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