Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the condom got lost in my hair
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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