Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
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She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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