either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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