Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
