who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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