I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
