I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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