you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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