I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
