I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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