2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
