we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
