nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
