guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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