Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
