it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
