So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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