goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i drank out of a bidet.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
