2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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