Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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