K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
