It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
