stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
