Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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