"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
