worst night to have a conscience
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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