Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
