You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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