I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
