If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
