capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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