I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
