its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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