I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
