I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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