Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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