I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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