Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i out mim tonsoeep
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