I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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