apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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