I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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